


Birds Do It, Bees Do It, Flatworms Do It

by berlynn_wohl



Category: Pacific Rim (2013)
Genre: Anal Sex, Established Relationship, Failboats In Love, Kink Meme, M/M, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Riding
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-08
Updated: 2013-10-08
Packaged: 2017-12-28 20:44:14
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,335
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/996467
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/berlynn_wohl/pseuds/berlynn_wohl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Can this conversation possibly wait until another time?”</p>
            </blockquote>





	Birds Do It, Bees Do It, Flatworms Do It

**Author's Note:**

> This fic has been translated into Русский:  
> http://archiveofourown.org/works/8322349

This is a fill for a prompt on the kinkmeme: “[Newt is chatty during sex](http://pacificrimkink.livejournal.com/350.html?thread=935774#t935774).”  


 

Newt’s body art was awful and vulgar and tasteless, Hermann knew this in his heart. That transformed the act of watching Newt ride him from a pleasure into a _guilty_ pleasure, which heightened the excitement. It did make him feel slightly uncomfortable when he thought about it in the middle of the day, but you couldn’t have the one feeling without the other.

The show was really the best thing about Newt being on top, the bouncing and squirming and flailing. The _second_ best thing was the fact that Hermann could easily grasp Newt’s hips and rear end, perhaps to guide him a little so he wouldn’t hurt himself when he plunged down because he wanted to feel full all at once, or maybe just to have a nice thorough feel of that flesh as it quivered and flexed.

The bed creaked as Newt rocked himself back and forth. No bouncing yet; they were just getting started. Hermann had Newt firmly in his hands, directing him to move in tight little circles on his cock, luxuriating in the sensation when Newt obeyed. And then suddenly he heard:

“Flatworms are hermaphrodites.”

Hermann’s eyes fluttered open. “I beg your pardon?”

“It’s important to know that for what I’m about to tell you. So when two flatworms mate, each one tries to stab the other with their penis, while avoiding being stabbed. The one who gets stabbed first has to carry the babies.”

“Can this conversation possibly wait until another time?”

“I just brought it up because I think that it would be fun if we could do that.” Newt was still rocking himself back and forth. In the midst of his puzzlement, Hermann had loosened his grip.

“You want us to stab each other pregnant?”

“No no no no no, that’s not what I meant! I meant, uh, you know how sometimes we…switch? I think it would be cool if we could, like, wrestle, and whichever of us managed to put our penis in first, he got to be the top that night.”

“I can’t wrestle with you.”

“I know, I know that! It’s just…uh, sorry, sometimes I think about stuff.”

“That’s alright.” Hermann patted Newt’s hip and encouraged him to continue. Newt was now damp with perspiration where Hermann touched him, and when Hermann resumed his routine gripping and stroking, he whined with pleasure. All Newt’s noises during sex, from beginning to end, were high and thin.

And then Newt began to laugh.

“Yes? What is the joke?”

“After I said the thing about the flatworm, I started thinking about the argonaut. It’s a type of octopus. Anyway, when the male argonaut sees a female it likes, his penis detaches and swims up to her by itself. Wouldn’t you like to be able to do that?”

“Um, no.”

“Like, we’re in the lab, and you look over at me, and I’m lookin’ _fine_ that day, but you’re working on something and you don’t want to get up, you can just send your penis over and it can have fun and you can get your work done.”

“Still no.” Hermann tried to get Newt back on track by teasing his cock and balls with one hand, at the speed that he wanted Newt to resume rolling his hips, but to no avail. Newt shouted, “Ooh, I’ll bet you’ve always wondered how barnacles reproduce!”

“Never.”

“Well, I’ll tell you: the barnacle has a penis that’s fifty times the length of its body. So even though it’s stuck in one place its whole life, it can stretch its penis out when it’s time to mate. So you could do it that way instead maybe, just extend your penis to reach me.”

“I’m not having my penis over on your side of the lab where it will get filthy and covered in kaiju viscera.”

“Okay, well, the Argentine lake duck has a prehensile penis so long that it can use it as a lasso. You could just lasso me and pull me over to your side of the lab. Would that make you happy?”

Hermann threw his arms out. “Is _this_ not interesting enough for you?”

“What’s the problem? We’re having sex, so I’m just thinking about cool sex stuff!”

“You were thinking about _barnacle_ sex.” Hermann sighed, and lamented to no one in particular, “Why did I ever choose a biologist for an intimate partner.”

“Intimate partner!” Newt snorted. “Dude, that is just about the squarest term I’ve ever heard! Personally? I prefer ‘man-toy.’”

“Newton, the point is, I respect the breadth of your knowledge in your field. But right now I really don’t want to hear the strangest stories you know about how animals make love.”

Newt’s jaw dropped at the end of Hermann’s sentence, and his cock jerked a little. “Oh my God, I love it when you say that in your stupid stuffy professor voice.”

“When I say…?”

“…Those words.”                          

“What words? ‘Make love’?”

Newt was trembling now. “Oh shit, uhhh jerk me off if you’re gonna talk like that. Please.”

Hermann did not boast the most precise ability to perceive irony, but he had a feeling that in this instance Newt was not joking. So he reached out and took hold of Newt’s cock, stroking it hard and fast, a little clumsily. “Now that I think of it,” he sad, “it seems like I read somewhere about bonobos, and how their sex lives are the most similar to humans. They have sex to solve problems, and to make up after they fight.”

Newt leaned back, putting his hands on the mattress behind him, grinding down on Hermann’s cock to get it to touch his sweet spot. “Uh-huh…?”

Hermann continued. ”Can you imagine if you and I were like that? If every time we started to argue, we made love instead. We’d be _exhausted_.”

Newt groaned sharply and pumped his hips up into the circle of Hermann’s fist. Hermann could feel Newt’s cock spasming in his hand a second before it spurted. Finally, _finally_ he was quiet.

Hermann had a difficult time getting to orgasm when he penetrated Newt while horizontal, because he needed fast and hard friction to finish, but he could not thrust intensely without suffering a lot of pain in his leg and hip. But they had worked out a system. When Newt had sufficiently recovered from his orgasm, he raised himself up a little. Hermann said softly, “Be careful.”

“I know.” Newt now had to bounce without coming all the way down on the down-stroke, lest the impact cause Hermann excruciating pain. It was always murder on Newt’s quadriceps, but this time he did it right and squeezed his internal muscles hard while he gave Hermann short little strokes, and it didn’t take very long at all.

Hermann held on to him, more and more tightly the closer he got. Finally he whispered, “Ohhh, yes,” and closed his eyes and smiled; just then Newt felt the hot gush inside him. When Hermann was done, he sighed, and his whole body relaxed. Newt was always slightly stunned when he watched this happen. He had never known someone to just smile serenely during orgasm. But then, Hermann didn’t do anything else like a normal person, so why would he climax like one? And Newt was grateful – it was just about the only time he saw Hermann smile at all.

Newt shifted just enough to let Hermann’s softening cock slip out of him, making one last high, thin noise as he did so. He laid himself down alongside Hermann, and when no chatter was forthcoming, Hermann thought he was finally in the clear.

But then, muffled by the flesh of Hermann’s shoulder, Newt said, “We should be really glad that I’m not a queen bee and you’re not a drone.”

“Why is that?”

Newt yawned and nuzzled closer. “Mm…you know what, forget it. I’ll tell you later.”


End file.
